How can it be that a simple noise, a voice or a vision can become just so:— terrifying — unnerving — unsettling? The content can be soul-destroying. A reluctance to share.
How can something that isn’t really there cause so much distress?
How can I expect people not to judge? How do you explain the reality?
The way it feels. The way it pulls at your emotions. Knocks you off your stride. Makes daily living so difficult. The sensitivity, the unease and anxiously looking over your shoulder.
Always expecting the worst — never really knowing what your day has held. Which parts really happened and which was that horrid illness gripping your brain? The mixed messages you get. From yourself, loved ones and those you don’t even know.
The brain tricking itself into believing the worst scenario — yet the biggest fear isn’t that it’s so hard to know what’s going on. It’s thinking that I could end up back where I started — a psychotic episode which equalled a mental health ward. Not somewhere you would want to be.
A dark place. Both for the body and mind. Always the element of fear that a return someday may occur. On days when tiredness, stress or anxiety are high that fear deepens. The ability to rationalise becomes harder.
The journey I face is a rocky one. But I have no choice. With strategies in place, we forge ahead. Good days take over from the bad.
Good minutes are sometimes the calculation of choice….
Read more about psychosis here:https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/psychosis/about-psychosis/
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