Anyone living with one or more long-term health conditions or disabilities will have experienced this scenario.
A lack of understanding — a lack of energy to try and make people listen — the choice to not appear — the choice to appear but remain silent — the decision to slap on a smile and get on with it.
The pent-up emotions can become too much — can spill out in anger — frustration — the decision to withdraw from social interaction — one of the crucial things to everyday living.
Dr Zoe Millar explains that: ‘Suppressing those feelings can lead to bigger problems in the long run’. The psychologist and author of The Valeo Experience explains that although: ‘living authentically takes courage’ pretending not to be yourself ‘is exhausting’.
She continues to describe this action as ‘putting yourself in an emotional pressure cooker’.
So what is the answer?
Sofo Archon has some ideas on this theory saying that: ‘We pretend because deep down we feel empty and lonely. We pretend because we don’t feel enough as we are. Many of us even wish we were different persons because we have not yet learned to accept and appreciate ourselves.
For those with long-term health conditions and disabilities, this can be challenging. Wanting to be ‘normal’, feel ‘well’ every day. To wake up each morning and feel able to get through the day with purpose and fulfilment.
So psychologist Archron has a philosophy that involves:
Learning to say ‘No’ — express your true feelings and thoughts
Resisting the temptation to imitate — make your own journey and travel it
Speaking the truth — starting with yourself and then with others
Daring to be alone — let go of the fear of being alone and develop genuine relationships
Doing what you love — don’t compromise
Big, bold statements — not easy to accomplish. Challenging ourselves — becoming our true selves. Accepting ourselves first and then finding the pathway where others accept us too. Asking for help instead of hiding behind a fake smile. Pushing ourselves too much and falling down hard again can be avoided.
It takes bravery and courage to live this way in our modern society — the pressures we face — the judgement and the lack of understanding attached to living with multiple health conditions needs to change. It can if we are honest with others. Communication — listening — digesting — supporting — the voices are there and so are the ears.
We just have to take that step together — our new pathways can open…
To quote Oscar Wilde: ‘Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.’
Sofo Archon — Homepage: https://sofoarchon.com/
Sofo Archon — How to stop pretending: https://sofoarchon.com/how-to-stop-pretending/
Dr Zoe Millar - The Effects of Pretending: https://www.searchlight.vc/dr-jozelle-miller/2022/07/26/the-effects-of-pretending/
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