As I write we are just entering into the second week of what could be lockdown and progress into less stringent rules which are some 6 months or so away yet my brain is already working at the speed of a formula one car racing round the streets of Monaco.
Although it feels unlikely and the news is overwhelming, trying to stay informed but not becoming obsessed with COVID-19 is a tough task for anyone to avoid or manage. Even though the news has to be real and we are on lock down, my psychosis is not gone and one of my problems is knowing what to believe and what not to.
Right now I am scared and I am not ashamed to say that I had a real melt down a few days ago and sobbed my heart out at the enormity of it all hitting home. It felt better for a while but expect more in the future and that’s inevitable. My brother is shielding, carer et al vulnerable, most relatives in the vulnerable groups, family working on the front line. It feels like it’s only a matter of time until the virus hits and rakes hold. As a family we have already lost too many from other conditions. I can’t bare the thought of it happening all over again and pray for them to be safe but then feel guilt because I don’t want it to be happening to anyone else either. Taking one day at a time is hard but with strict scheduling and lots to be thankful for i plod through each day.
I anticipate that many of you and me included are still developing new schedules and routines that help us face the world and make the most of a bad situation. By the time we reach the end of this and ALL the sanctions imposed are lifted we will have to ‘re-learn’ our schedules.
There will be a time when the recovery process begins, being assessed every 3 weeks we can only contemplate what levels will be introduced. This may be long in the distance but in my opinion we need to start thinking and preparing for when the ‘war’ is fought and the stringent social isolation and lock downs subside.
The fear that is it really safe to go out again or are we looking at longer? What will my body be like? How will my mind be affected? I had a medical appointment over the phone which was excellent. However, there was a limit to what can be achieved and a July appointment being sent which I was informed would be when they expect to have video appointments in place if the restrictions are still applied seems a long way away. My Ehlers-Danlos is something I rarely mention on my sites but this has come to the forefront of my mind as I experience the loss of muscle and ligament toning from lack of swimming and with no suitable substitute my joints could end up so damaged that surgery may be required instead. In the grand scheme of things coming through alive and still functioning is the goal but this is of concern.
But what happens afterwards? Go back to lives as they were before? Have we all got the ‘I want my life’ back in our heads as each day passes by.
NOBODY is going to be lucky enough to just return to life as it was before. With the Government regularly reporting that ’20,000 deaths is a good result’ there will be no one who is not affected by this epidemic. Office chairs will be empty, children will have lost grandparents and be expected to return to school. Teachers, doctors and nurses will have succumbed. Some people will come out ‘luckier’ than others but with the number of cases rising it’s only time before someone we love and care about will be lost.
People say this is the worst time of sanctions since World War 2 so what can we learn from this? Will will be on food rations? Why not tap into our war veterans for advice? Then what? The enormity of what ‘normal’ looks like is something that none of us have managed to fully comprehend and probability not going to be favourable.
Appointments will be cancelled and the potential that other illnesses have gone undiagnosed or symptoms missed with lack of testing. The potential for serious and even fatal conditions with the country so focused on the COVID-19 symptoms and the reluctance to waste the NHS workers time as we are told to only contact in certain circumstances. Operations stacking up.
Mental health problems will need to be addressed, social skills and contact lost. Sadness and loneliness considered. Those with learning difficulties being let back out into a confusing world which they struggle to conquer at the best of times.
Channel 5 as you may be aware to my main ‘go to’ news channel. They report the worst but break it down, they follow up the news with another session talking to professionals in the appropriate field. So that and the live broadcast which I wish was at the same time each day are my main points of call. I love the way they end each broadcast with a ‘happy’ story. Then a message on mental health with an expert and a positive last sentence from the newsreader.
Obviously there are other temptations to look at more. It’s easy to pick up my phone and enter the territory of the news app searching for information and trying not to read anything that’s from a celebrity magazine or tabloid newspaper, setting the filters and trying not to be scared.
Even shopping online and knowing we have a slot for food this week but cannot get another anywhere in the distant future has me worried. I don’t want to stock pile but I want to order the number of items we are allowed as I know this will not all be there when the delivery arrives in bags on our doorstep and that scares me, plus the added fact that I live in a household where we are both considered ‘vulnerable’ and so are all our local friends and neighbours. A few minutes on the phone or a ‘thinking of you’ card under the door is all we can safely manage right now.
The only way I can turn my mind around and prepare myself for the future is to be positive about the sanctions and if I make it that far because you just don’t know then what position you will be in despite the isolation. Will I have managed to finish my journalism course and be on track to head into being a freelance journalist? Will I manage to venture outside and get in the pool. Will I still be able to swim? I can already feel my aerobic fitness declining and getting short of breath.
There is an element to my day now where I focus on the future and normal outings and appointments. One strategy that is an attempt at being prepared is to utilise visualisation to put myself in an everyday situations and use my mental health strategies to simulate a scenario. This helps clear my troubled head and then straight into yoga where the physical and mental benefits can be applied knowing theres a way through giving me ‘escape’ time where I can can think more positively.
I can still use my power-breathe down the line of my duvet cover which represents the black line down the swimming pool and my breathing technique, keeps my lungs strong and healthy in case I do develop the virus. Replicating my swimming actions through a series of movements utilising my Swiss ball will also help.
The reality is though people will be missing, businesses out, no holidays available, the high streets like ghost towns with windows boarded. New hobbies, debt and cost of financial implications. The cost of keeping your family occupied with Netflix, sky packages, computer games and people potentially ‘hooked’ on online shopping, bingo and other gambling sights, increases in the cost of foods
Teachers facing and dealing with large numbers of pupils who are grieving for lost parents, grandparents and potentially friends or even the children grieving for a teacher who has succumbed in her bid to help look after those children who have their parents working on the front line beavering away helping us but putting their whole household at risk.
So much too process, but we have no choice but to accept the new as that will be our new life. Questions may be asked and unanswered but why not be prepared and think ahead. Perhaps my brain will help me when this incredibly resilient country comes through the other side. In my case I always anticipate the worst and then hope for the best.
But for now, stick to the rules, stay safe, live your life whatever your limits, don’t feel guilty about others doing more than you. Help yourself first and then others but stay connected and prepared. Check in with family and friends in anyway that you can. Make sure you exercise, build a solid structure to your day and proceed with caution.
For now please, follow the Governments rules, trust in their ability to cope with the crisis, do what you can, but do give the future some thinking as times will change for everyone.