The Countryman

Ordering the new countryman is something I am entirely grateful for and help that is given with thought, care, compassion, respect and generosity by people who support the Motobility Charity. The garages offer great help and support through the process. It’s always mixed for me. I always feel i am undeserving and others worse than i deserve it more or people who do need it aren’t getting it because they don’t know how to access the scheme.

Anyway, still trying new strategies the time has come. With PiP in, the order needs to be made and so a visit to the showroom which emcompasses the unknown. Who will be there, how many customers, the opening and closing of car doors, the mechanics, different offices, new faces, old faces and quite frankly not suitable for someone with psychosis. Not to mention that said person needs to deal with stomach problems, feeling extremely distracted, anxious and concerned about the ability to complete this challenging task. But habits are instilled and this is NOT something to be avoided. It needs to be embraced as significant help to get around but now requires additional thought around how to make this challenge a success and theres only 30 minutes till go time so action needs to be fast, accurate and sensible.

My day plan as ever is in place and I’m thinking ahead, doing everything in my power to make sure this runs as smooth as possible. It’s control what I can, anticipate what can’t and keep to the plan. So medication sorted. Water bottle is in. Snack ready. Paperwork sorted. Calming CD in car. Now with trepidation I am ready to go. With reassurance, willpower and a more positive mindset we’re off, bang on schedule. Have to endure the mimics along the way but remain calm and focus on driving and hazards instead of mimics and contraditions.

A warm welcome awaits as we are greeted outside. That puts a smile on my face and eases that tension. So we’re in! Thats a big chunk on my chart and so far, so good. Then comes the tricky situation which isn’t quite clear right now but it will develop. Within minutes we have tea in front of us and ready to begin. Now it wouldn’t be me if I hadn’t written a script for exactly what I need, so we begin and agent says she’s only done a few and I may need to help??? It’s been 3 years since I ordered my last car and she thinks my mushy, brain foggy brain is going to remember that! We are already hitting some troubles, I’m not able to employ one of my better strategies because of my position, should be where carer is sat but haven’t made that connection until problems or ‘set up’s’ potential begin to rear their head. The printer is printing ‘gobbolody goup!. It requires many attempts, other people and the notice of my strategic failing. I feel ‘exposed’, distracted, just as expected. Why do people do this to me?

Next we finally have the form and as agent pops off to photocopy my ID and documents, she pops the form in front of me to complete. Ok, so it’s not rocket science and it gives me soething to try and focus on which is just what I need. I think its right as I pass it back over but to my amazement agent just signs it.

Right, so progress is being made. Then we get to the car, that was an easy bit and another cuppa is on its way. Now adaptations, help needed from another person. Some obvious, others requiring a phone call. The hoist fitting company are on the phone. The fear is rising as I anticipate having to have an unscripted phone call. Safety blanket in the form of carer and all is fine. I say ‘I can’t’ in public to someone - very unusual. Then another - agent says could I go there after our appointment. Is she in sane? I find the words ‘I can’t do that, I have to chunk, pace and plan my days’. WOW, how did that happen. Then with new cuppa in front I have trouble with the milk at which the agent appears as a delusion in a random lions roar way coming at me ans says ‘they are fiddly, do you need some help? i can’t take it in. Carer now off the phone, thank goodness that’s all sorted. Next the biscuit - which I answer ‘I can’t eat them but carer loves them’. I’m divulging information one thing after the other - no idea what has happened but serious progress.

This is causing me some serious energy and what is going on? Don’t get me wrong but the ‘overwhelming’ is getting to me now. Thankfully, it seems we are nearly done and set to go. The car is organised, sorted and ordered. I have survived what was a high sensory environment with many FEAR’s to face but I’ve done it head on. So the next step in my plan! We pull out of the car park and park up just along the road. Relaxing music track playing, snack eaten, water drunk. All essential, now we just need to get home.

So job completed and arriving home and into my ‘safe’ sanctury to reflect on a morning of mixed emotions, feelings, achievements and strategy usage. All said and done I survived and made some progress, even if I did experience heightened ‘sensory’ and had lapse the successes need my focus.

Maybe, it’s time to open up more, perhaps I can now. This could be the right time and so what do I need to do?? You’ve probably guessed that the answer here is to plan, prepare, script and execute.

3 very important elements that can hekp me move forward and continue to make progress, let people into my world. They need to see what’s inside and not just what they see on the outside. However, are people actually prepared to go there? Will it make a difference? There’s only one way to find out!