This blog is focused on anyone experiencing grief, but specifically those with a LTHC such as Addison’s Disease or Mental Health Conditions such as Psychosis.
Highlighting what Support is available & how we can prepare in the best way possible before, during and, after the bereavement, funeral and wake.
It’s affect on home, work, school, social activities and exercise.
Through careful consideration on how to feel as ‘comfortable’ as possible throughout the whole process.
Connecting, understanding, interacting, re-acclimatising and generally getting from the beginning of the day to the end can be a huge deal right now. With all the changes, the uncertainty and lack of control we feel, add grief and you take things to a whole different level.
If you have a Pituitary Condition/Addisons you will be well aware of the dangers that stress can affect your body. So adding grief needs to be addressed and managed. Medication control will be important but that isn’t always the answer or necessary. Mental health conditions make it equally challenging and since many people with LTHC’s also have a mental health problem there is a lot of potential for deterioration to our health and well-being.
This blog is the result of a very personal experience that the Time To Heal Family have recently had to experience, and therefore comes with thought, sadness but also the positivity of shared experiences and support mechanisms. A guide to what helped, what didn’t and then some simple tips to help you through a very difficult and challenging time. So many lives have been lost throughout the pandemic and restrictions on Funerals and Wakes make the process of bereavement and grief more difficult to bear.
For everyone in attendance at a funeral or wake it will be extremely stressful and therefore requires a lot of help and support. All you can do is to prepare the best that you can and understand that attending a funeral COVID style is very different to that of a past one. Plus, this could be the first proper connection you actually have with some family and friends. That’s a lot of pressure steeped onto shoulders all in one go. The key here is that yes a funeral is to celebrate the deceased, and to share memories, give them the best send off possible, but it is also about family and friends coming together. With hugging now allowed as well, that brings in another element. If your trips out have been minimal because of your health condition, then the build up itself can be extremely difficult, and the day of the actual funeral could easily be overwhelming and affect your condition adversely.
On the other hand you may surprise yourself and actually find comfort from being with so many others. Not realising how much you have been missing out on, and actually find the gathering with family and friends an uplifting and positive experience. You shouldn’t feel guilty about either reaction or where you fit along the line. We will start by focusing on your Physical and Mental Health before moving onto the more practical guidance to planning, organising and choosing your route through the whole process of arrangements that we are faced with after the death of a dearly loved family member or friend.
Looking After Your Physical Health
Clearly your health is of paramount importance. Remember your normal strategies, think carefully about how you are feeling and make any adaptations you need to your day. Pacing and chunking will be essential, especially if you are feeling stressed, anxious and worried. Make sure that you have your medication as normal. Don’t feel guilty if you need to take a step back and rest or ask someone to take the lead. Try to keep a clear structure to your day and leave any ‘normal’ jobs that you can and return to them when you are in a better place.
For others you may feel lost and confused. Especially those who have been carers or it’s someone you were in daily contact with and now you have empty holes to fill. These feelings are natural, but can actually make you feel stressed so it’s crucial to listen to your body. Surround yourself with the people and activities that keep you going. Make time for exercise and relaxation. If you are unsure about your medication and/or your health is slipping out of control contact your medical professional for advice. A great publication by The Pituitary Foundation entitled Psychological Impact of A Pituitary Condition is aimed at diagnosis and treatment etc, but still holds it’s own in this situation as a reminder of how to best care for yourself throughout this time of additional stress and upset.
Looking after your Mental Health
This is crucial at every step of the way. One great support link is Every Mind Matters, produced by the NHS. It aims to provide a very personal plan based on specific needs, without having to leave the house or admit to anyone that you are struggling. Whilst that isn’t always best, if you cannot share your troubles this may be of great help. A tailor made plan is generated by answering the Mind Plan Quiz. Just six quick and easy questions and you have a plan in front of you. There is an opportunity to select the ‘traumatic event’ question which is of key relevance. You’ll also come across some general advice about How To Fall Asleep Better and Anxiety With Lockdown Lifting. Both very relevant to problems that can occur after a bereavement.
Now our focus shifts to the organisation of the funeral, the selection of flowers, words to utilise amongst the bereaved and tips on how to survive the day.
Top Tips To Help You Plan A Funeral
Find a Funeral Director such as Dignity Funeral Services, who have a fantastic reputation for supporting families through the most difficult times in our lives.
Put in place the wishes of the deceased if known. If not then look at the options that you have available to you.
Dignity Funerals have some amazing online support. There are so many others but our personal experience has been through this provider.Their website will take you through the following;
4. Make sure you budget for your costs
5. Ensure that you are following the gov.uk guidelines
6. If COVID restrictions are still in force make sure you have the correct number of people that can be accommodated at your chosen venue.
7. If you are going to have hymns then you might need someone to sing this for you in the church or crematorium but you could have one song outside. Masks and restrictions could impact on this decision.
8. Consider options for the wake depending on the time of day as the funeral will dictate catering options.
9. Choose an appropriate place for the wake based on the amount of people attending.
10 Ensure that you inform attendees whether you want everyone inside when the hearse arrives or in the church and who you want in the hearse or to follow the hearse.
Top Tips on Choosing Flowers
If you are organising the funeral then you first need to decide on whether you want flowers just for family or from anyone who wishes to send them.
Communicate this early on to avoid confusion.
Many people prefer close family flowers only and then donations to a charity from others.
You may wish to send flowers to the person you feel has been at the heart of the loss - so for example the Husband or Wife.
Finding the right words can be difficult. You can get some guidance with example flower messages here. This covers all angles with religious ideas to very personal and to things not to write as well.
Some example flower arrangements can be viewed through Dignity EuroFlorist
Take your time to think about what to choose. Think about the colours that meant something to the deceased or the family as a whole.
Consider your own favourite flowers and those of the deceased.
Many people like to have names but sprays are just as beautiful and you can get personalised arrangements to represent hobbies like football, cricket or religious symbols.
Ensure that they are scheduled to be delivered to the funeral director by the day before the funeral at least.
Top Tips To help you navigate what will already be a very difficult day.
Plan your day as best you can so you have some control. AccessAble app is also an excellent tool you can use here. From an accessibility perspective it shows you photos of venues, hotels, changing places and hospitals and more. AccessAble can also be accessed online.
Check gov.uk to ensure you are up to date with the most recent guidelines.
Make sure you have your clothes ready and a spare set in case you change your mind. Make sure you have tried them both on.
Look up the places that will be utilised for the service, the cremation/burial and wake.
Visit these places in advance if you are not familiar with them and they are close by.
Make sure you have your mask, a bottle of water and a pack of tissues.
Write down some conversation starters if you find it hard to interact with others.
Arrive early so you can acclimatise and find where you will be sitting.
Ask questions of whoever is organising the funeral and be open and ask what you need to, even if it feels silly.
Make sure you have medication that you need and extra just in case.
We hope that this gives you some support at which can be a difficult time. Even if you haven't experienced grief of this nature personally through the last year or so, you probably know someone that has. Although, a difficult time, normality is something to hold onto. So for exercise providers for example this could help you to support someone that you engage with and allow you to see how your support and encouragement to at least exercise gently could help. For others it's worth just keeping this to one side as at some point in our lives we all have to go through this process.
The all important links;
The Pituitary Foundation - Psychological Stress
Every Mind Matters - Mental Health Support - Mind Plan Quiz
Every Mind Matters - Mental Health Support - How To Fall Asleep Better
Every Mind Matters - Mental Health Support - Anxiety With Lockdown Lifting
Dignity Funerals - What To Do When Someone Dies Timeline
Dignity Funerals - Arranging A Funeral
Dignity Funerals - After The Funeral
Dignity Funerals - Funeral Flowers
Dignity Funerals - Sympathy Card and Flower Message Ideas
Dignity Funerals - EuroFlorist
AccessAble App/Website