A quote from the 'All Mighty' starts this blogpost off so hold on and lets see what your response is in relation to mine!
'In case no one has asked you yet today...... how are you? Be honest, no need to sugarcoat. You don't have to be OK here. Answering the question out in the world can sometimes hurt, so let's make this a safe place to really talk about what we're facing. You're not alone today.
Ever been in a classroom of 8 year olds where hands go up when you ask them who wants to play games all afternoon and only 2 of 30 fail to raise their hands. Probably not many of you but hold on for the rest to come! Are the two against resisting 'games' to score points as they want to remain the teachers pet, are they just exceptionally driven and want to 'learn, learn, learn, not realising that all the games are actually educational based and so in face they were holding judgement or just feeling like they want to distance themselves from the group for an unknown reason? Perhaps to impress but you can see the desire in their eyes to change their mind?
That may sound odd, but then how many disabled people answer the question above with 'Actually, I feel terrible today, my head hurts, my legs ache, my body twists and turns, I've had no sleep oh and don't forget i can't get stupid and annoying voices out of my head?'
I am guessing a minority and I have to admit that I happen to be one of the majority, I know what I should do and communicate this with one person but then I usually brush my health off by sticking on some make up to cover the pale skin, dark eyes and exhaustion, some nice clothes in the hope they'll give me some comfort, brushing my hair, putting on jewellery and whatever little thing I can manage that also takes significant effort and strain.
But the downside of doing this is that I am down playing and trying to disguise my disability so even if I comment 'Not so good today' I get the response 'You look well today' To which you feel despondent, misunderstood and a liability.
So how does this link back to the classroom you might ask?
Simply put 28 know exactly what they want to do and the last remaining 2 find it hard to express their emotions, get despondent that the class are against them and worrying now that they won't be accepted by others and are in fact potential to co-ercing by their peers and seen as different from the crowd. The same for us. We are grateful to those who support us but why do we downplay from other peoples questions? Probably because we cannot verbally express what we are feeling to the world for fear of being judged and resented.
So, let's make a stand, build slowly, express ourselves, write things down if we need to. Thats still communicating and the way I monitor and analyse my day. Let's open up to each other and then build ourselves some confidence to gain some understanding, support and care from others.
Please try and I will too. Let's make a stand and have OUR voices stand.
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